Monday, March 23, 2009

What is my hope in?

I wrote my last blog about hope, and I was very confident that my hope was in Christ and the work He was doing and going to do. It was the day before my Husband was leaving for some intense counseling, counseling I believed would change our life forever.

Two days after that journal my hope was crushed because my Husband not God was not behaving how I wanted, or expected, I guess you could say hoped?! I found out very quickly I was hoping a little in God and alot in Chris. This left room for a wound that I thought was unrepairable. I have to say here I drove by a church the very day I was telling myself and anyone who would listen to me my wounds are too deep..this sign said "God doesn't waste a wound"! If this is not God himself saying hope in me I know wounds, I was wounded to the point of death for you. I will admit I was stubborn and kept talking about how Chris had let me down and I was sure it was unrepairable this time, all hope was lost.

I pressed a little further into Christ and His word instead of what I wanted to do which was run screaming through the streets, but I will admit I did tell about anyone who would listen on that day that I had been wronged big time and that I was mad as could be. I found this piece of scripture "It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in men. It is better to take refuge in him than in the mightiest king!" Psalm 118:8-9. This hit me over the head my hope and confidence was in what Chris could do, or accomplish and if he failed then my hope would be lost even my hope in Christ! I began to pray that God would do a miracle in my heart and that I would put my confidence in Christ only.

I have found so much freedom in knowing my joy is not based on Chris' performance, or if my marriage succeeds. My joy is in Christ only, my hope is in Christ only. God wants great things for my life if I will seek Him with my whole heart trusting that He will add everything else, then I will be free.


Sunday, March 8, 2009


Hope is a curious thing isn't it really. I find that it is at least. I will purpose in my heart to have it, and know with mind that you only find it in Christ and the next thing I know something in my circumstance will just make me have overwhelming feelings of gloom and doom. You know pure hopelessness. It will take me a moment to snap out of it and realize as his children we will overcome this world. I have to tell myself that I will overcome this world. Whatever it can throw at me. Whatever preconceived idea I had that God would do, or not let happen. I have to choose not only to praise Him but not lose hope about who God is and what He promised to do.

I am realizing more and more. God's word is full of families that struggled with sin and trouble. God actually promised us trouble and trials. We spend most of our days trying to get to a place of heaven on earth. A place where there is no hurt or trouble and there is always peace. I want to spend my days hungering for more Jesus, and His character. Then when the trouble comes I will be able to withstand it. I will bring glory to Him and maybe there will be others that come to heaven because of it. I truly want the time it takes for me to get from the hopeless place to my knees to become less. I don't really want to look like life doesn't hurt me and that I am without feelings, how will I testify of a God that outstretched His arms to die for those who had no way to save themselves, if I look like I am without emotions. I just want to always see my God in the midst of every trial. Please God give me those eyes.