Friday, January 23, 2009

Falling into Jesus

Knowing who I am and who created me helps me know where to fall everytime. I am going through the biggest struggle of my 33 nearly 34 years. I don't pretend that I have seen the worst thing or by far know everything. I am just learning where to fall.

This past month I have had my life partner truly break my heart, come to realization that financially we have hit rock bottom for the second time, and been lost and are wondering without a church home. I most of which I am responsible for or at least played a huge part in. It still left me free falling into a pit of despair. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until well until forever. I realized as I cried and sometimes screamed I was crying and screaming to Jesus. I knew I wasn't alone. I was hurting, I was broken, I was even crushed, but not left alone. I knew he was listening to all that I was saying and all I didn't say.

I am airing my dirty laundry not because I am hoping yours gets dirty but because I know my God is helping me wash mine. I know God never left me, I know I fell straight into his arms. I also know I am not alone in the hurting.

I grew up with sayings like "God will never give us more than we can handle" and "God helps those that help themselves" and while they are great I think they cripple us from the truth. The truth is that we have more than we can handle all the time and if we could help ourselves there would be no need for God's intervention. Those sayings are peoples way of leaving God out and putting people in. The truth is His word says He will give you a way out, not you will make a way out. It is also true we must work out what He is working in, but let me you tell it is God that is working within before you will work it out. God will not share His glory.

I found that I thought that I was far from God and that was only mental positioning. I can tell you in my fall it was as though He was breathing in my face, holding me. I just want to encourage you whatever is going on in your life God already knows about it, He made you! He wants to work in you so you can work it out, for His glory in every situation and circumstance.


1 comment:

Amy said...

Hi Wolfes. Just stopped by your blog to see what you all have been up to. I'm so sorry to read that this has been a very difficult time for you. I don't know all the details, but I truely appreciate your honesty & transparency. That takes a lot of courage. But it also allow your readers to pray for/with you. I just want you to know you have so many people that love you guys at Friendship.